NERVOUS MOOD

Its going to be weekend. I’m nervous and scared.

Nervous because I already make a decision to leave him. I felt sorry to him but love can’t be measure like math, if we give one doesn’t mean we’ll get back one and vice versa. Its really hard and that makes us human just can’t predict what is going to happen in our relationships. Sometime we tend to hold it so tight that both of us couldn’t breathe, sometimes we tend to loosen up till we left each other, sometimes no matter how hard we tried it just won’t work and sometimes there are cases which we didn’t do much but the relation is better. It is so unpredictable.

I’m scared too. I’m quite wondering how to face all which is coming upon the decision i made. It will hurts to you and to me but I’m sure is a good decision because continuing just makes the wound hurts more. Some people said when you gave all of your heart to someone then everything will be fine, but the reality tell us this is all lies. Lies that we wouldn’t listen because we wish that it won’t happen. To ensure it won’t happened we work hard on it to makes everything perfect, suitable for our partners and sacrifice for them. But does this meet the requirements that what our partner need? Everyone thinks differently. The worst is, the things you did isn’t what he/she wanted. You felt disappointed because your hard work won’t be appreciate by someone u loved. In this point, no one is wrong and that’s why we called it love. I don’t know how to said it out although my heart had a strong feeling telling me “ Yes u need to tell no matter what”. Question on my mind :

1. When is the best timing i should tell?
2. Where should i tell?
3. How i should tell?

Its easy to write up the questions but to answered it, looks harder than any exam cause its dealing with a partner that you loved before. It’s already past. I’ve tried to repair it and be honest about it, and yet I don’t feel it anymore. I’m sorry but I have to leave. I knew you sacrifice and give out whatever you could but its not going to work. We knew how different we are and yet we try to go through it. But, God may want us to have a different path in our life. After this, I won’t be the one who remind you about your things, won’t be there to fight or won’t be there to accompany you. BUT i always loved you as a friends that I won’t forget because God put us together and run this youth group together. I still love you as a friends who willing to help when u needed it. Maybe i’m too naïve but I knew you could continue to serve God like you always do. Prayed that God will pull you through it.

For myself, its not easy. I didn’t wanted things to goes this way but the fact is everything is going the opposite ways. So its better I face it rather than lied to myself, him, God and Mr. A. I need to go for it even its hard and needs a lot of courage.